Not that it should be considered as such, since everyone, their mothers and their dogs seemed to know about this one particular feature. But you know that thing that you can do with your phone on SnapChat? The one where you’re taking an ordinairy selfie only to have your recently captured picture self spewing rainbows? Well, yeah. That’s a thing. I only found out about this a week ago at a party.
“But Dandy, ya numbskull!” You wail, gork and snort. “This feature has been present in SnapChat for AGES! How could you only find out about it now?”
And that’s a darn good question, Mr/Mrs/Ms. Disembodied Voice over the Internet! But the answer is the real kicker.
It’s one word. ‘iOS7’
… well, that’s not really a word. More like an acronym. But yeah, you get what I mean.
I will admit that I am a busy man. Between trying to get Twitter famous, playing unhealthy amounts of Counter Strike and making stupid chiptune on my decrepit four year old MacBook, I haven’t really had a whole lotta time to be writing the blog posts.
So right now, while I’m in the mood, I’d like to take this chance to just sit down and catch up.
So yeah, 2016. Doesn’t feel like it’s gonna be all that different to 2015 but I’m sure you’ve seen enough of those ‘Everything is still trash’ jokes to last you for the rest of the eventual Nuclear Winter or Robot Insurrection that’ll take place in 2018. Also, nanomachines. Those will be a thing. Relax guys and gals, I know all this for a fact. Metal Gear Rising told me all about it.
But all credible predictions of future events taken from video games aside, I don’t think I will be doing anything too different to last year. At least not for the first half of it. I still gotta search for my second trial of work placement for the third year of my college course. This’ll be the home stretch and after this, I’ll be taking a break from studying for a good few months. This will be an amazing time to get back in tune with what I love doing, like talking over video games while I play them with either friends or filmed in front of a live studio audience … or YouTube. YouTube will also be good. But that brings me to another issue that I face and that issue starts with a capital M.
Money. Money is what I want. Money is what I ain’t got. Money is what I need. Money is what sets me free. I don’t got money but I certainly got love. Love love love, love is what I got.
Money is a big problem. You see, I’m a couple decades old now and apart form my few hundred hours of work experience done through college AND my countless days spent volunteering, I have yet to actually work a paying job. i don’t know what it is about volunteer work. It’s basically the same as work, except I just don’t get paid. And that’s not an issue in the slightest, I love working for no pay. But with upcoming expenditures for things like a replacement mobile phone, new desktop computer and video and audio recording hardware, I’m going to be needing a steady flow of cash. Also, gas money. Thank the ancient astronauts that built my car for putting a four cylinder in it. Although I’m still bitter that it’s not fusion powered … And that it doesn’t fire ionised particle beams from the rear to dissuade tailgaters.
Oh, you might’ve noticed that I’ve written a lot more than usual. Yeah, that’s partially thanks to this scissor switch keyboard that I managed to find. I think I bought this thing back in my early high school years and used it for MSN Messenger on the Xbox 360.
Hey, we only had one computer in the house and I wasn’t allowed on it. Leave me alone.
But all jokes aside, it’s great! There’s something about a nice heavy and clunky keyboard that reminds me of the old mechanical Apple Desktop Bus ones. Those things rocked so hard, even though they didn’t have those ‘clicky’ keys. Oh how I wish ADB could be converted to USB without a bunch of electrical engineering tier tinkering. That way, I could mash those weighty keys with my hand sanitiser cleansed fingers while I type up another storm like this one. Or write haikus. Those things are mad cool. Look, I’ll show you. Here’s one I wrote a few days ago:
I shall take flight now,
Like the brilliant falcon,
I endure the rain.
original poem do not steal
Anyways, I am going to leave you all to it. I hope you all have a wonderful week. I really should bring myself up to speed on what my fellow bloggers have been up to. I haven’t had a chance to trawl through the seemingly bugged Reader on WordPress. The one that keeps showing me the same blog entries over and over again, even after flicking a page over. Someone really should look into that. Or maybe the fault is on my end …
“I steal the goblin’s bike and throw a rock straight at his head.”
“The goblin does not have a bike, Cleric.”
“It doesn’t? Hah, poor bastard.”
My friends and I have recently gotten into the craze of Dungeons and Dragons. As you can see by that little tiny bit of dialogue, we’re still trying to get the hang of it. And still trying to find a way to take it seriously. My level 1 Cleric is a bit of a scumbag but I’m sure nobody can resist a giggle at the thought of a holy warrior panting as he puts the bike pedal to the metal away from some poor goblin’s front yard.
It’s that time of year Down Under. The warmer days suddenly depart without even leaving a letter of warning and before you can say “Wish I packed my turtleneck ….”, you’re struck by the sheer coldness of a ‘wet season’ morning. It’s enough to make one gingerly grasp onto each arm in a futile attempt to maintain a consistent body temperature and say “Yowza, this weather’s gone bowser.”
Bowsers aside, this particular shade of weather also brings with it the cloud of metaphorical pestilence that is the quite physical and very much bacterial common cold. Your nose starts dripping like a leaky faucet, your sinuses feel like they’ve been inflated with a substance that can only be described as ‘hurting’ and your ears cave in on themselves like an unstable Dig Dug arena.
So you can imagine how much of a Hurculean effort it was to drag myself to class on one of the coldest days to ever beat my body into a merciless temperature based submission. My flu ridden hide staggered all over the place in an attempt to actually make it from the bus, across a street and to my class without either falling flat on my puffy red face or being picked up by the police on the count of looking like a druggo. It got even worse when it came time to try and interact with my fellow classmates. Most of them simply told me to just go home. And Jesus tap dancing Christ, I wished those poor suckers luck on trying to understand even 50% of the shit that came out of my mouth. My voice was so nasally and quiet that it felt like someone had jammed a shotgun suppressor into my mouth.
Yes, I know that wasn’t a good analogy. I regret nothing.
If you’re suffering from a cold, or anything else that is affecting your ability to make it to your painstakingly arbitrary lecture, I wish you luck. And maybe a lossange or two. You’re going to need those.
I’m afraid I am going to have to be lighting quick with how swiftly I get this post out before my ride arrives so I’ll make like a Bugatti Veyron and do 0 to 60 in 3 seconds.
As you all know, boredom is a problem that is plaguing the entire human race. At its most vulnerable moment, boredom affects the suffering citizens of the first world in the most excruciatingly painful ways. Forget things like starvation, poverty and AIDS; It’s boredom we need to vanquish first before we can even consider donating money to the aforementioned causes.
By donating three difficult monthly payments of 14 dollars and exactly 21 cents, you can help those stuck in the pit of tedium by donating to the Breaking Boredom Foundation.
Do your part and help us raise funds to find and develop a cure for boredom today!
Or more like sending out a not so anonymous text …
I am not sure what has come over me today, but for some strange reason I was very compelled to text and greet a few faces from the far reaches of my past. What possessed me to almost go through with such a ludicrously late and borderline creepy gesture of potentially misinterpreted goodwill? I honestly don’t know. It must be that full moon that we’re due for tonight …
What would you even say to someone you have had guff-all contact with throughout the year? And via a text too. That’s what makes it worse. Although I felt as if I had attempted to call them, that would have just made things all the more unbearably awkward because let’s face it: At the end of the day, a bad phone call is the Dandy’s metaphorical self-esteem related Achilles heel. Would it really be so bad? In a more colourful shade of logic, the answer would probably be ‘No’ with the longer runner up for the grand prize of bluntness being ‘No, it’s your own perspective that determines whether it’s awkward or not.’
But then again, one brightly lit perspective that radiates with optimism can’t speak for two people. And it normally takes two to do the conversational tango. Unless you’re like good ol’ Dandy here and can effortlessly pull off the verbal waltz with none other than his own lonely self.
There is no shame in talking to yourself, friends. It’s when you start explaining your dastardly plans in uber-precise detail to your invisible audience for exposition’s sake that you need to start worrying.