Nothing like starting the New Year off with a bit of a training session! I am surprised I’ve come so far! Being able to barely make an effort to do 10 consecutive push ups a month ago to becoming the 60 push-up standard demon that I am today is just nuts! This training stuff actually works!
But now, allow me to stow away my excitement and wish you all :
A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR! *yay!*
Yes, and just when I had finally gotten all settled down with the usual rut of marking ‘2014’ as the year in the dates section of school papers and worksheets, the succeeding year rolls around to break me out of the Familiar Zone and cut my partially ‘slow’ self no breaks whatsoever. But enough about my personal life: Let’s talk about our fair 2014 for a bit.
For me personally, 2014 was somehow able to wind up both the soul crushingly worst and yet, most productive and character strengthening year of my life so far. Being fresh out of high school to already facing my inevitable second year of both University and TAFE studies … man, the months just flew by. In terms of my academics, I certainly performed better than I ever did in my previous two years of secondary college. But the reason why may have to wait until it’s own warranted post … and a rather lengthy one it will be, let me tell you.
Relationships ultimately seemed to crumble into indistinguishable pieces before my very eyes in what felt like a form of the most inhumane emotional torture. Slow and painful, to say the least. It felt like everyone had become a ghost or had never existed at all. And often, during times of immense heartache and sorrow, I would often find myself looking back to the burning bridge that led to the other side, where the better times were. And despite my continuous empty headed march forward, I would find myself unknowingly trudging back again, back to that land of magnets and miracles. In all honesty, for a majority of the year (and despite being in a relationship at the time), i felt no more than alive. It was like I were living simply to exist and nothing more. Sure, I had my studies. I had my friends and I had my lover. But at the time, if they had faded into nothingness, I don’t think my excessively sedated self would’ve even picked up on it. I was sleepwalking through life.
It eventually came to a head. What felt like years upon years of constant hurting and a seemingly unquenchable emptiness had brought me to the darkest place that we all fear to fall into. The one place in which we wish we’d simply cease to exist rather than have our minds swallowed by the unrelenting abyss. And after spending some time in this lightless place, I had given myself two solid options :
“I could just remain here. I could just stay here and give up, like so many others have. I could potentially scar the hearts and minds of both friends and family, starring blankly at the wall as a broken soul or worse. … ”
“There is no light, but I am sure as hell that I can conjure up even the tiniest flame to guide me. I could find my way out of this place, out of this torrent of blackness, and find my old self along the way … ”
If I had of picked the first option, I might not have been around to create this blog, or write this post.
Before I knew it, I found myself making changes and taking chances that I never ever thought that I would be capable of making. I had taken up martial arts again with a friend that I met from class. I was able to actually live to see the day where I’d be able to spend time with my ENTIRE family and most of my friends. I would meet an absolutely wonderful girl who would go on to reach out and help pull me through the tides and to the shore, despite owing me nothing.
And last, but not least, I would start this WordPress blog. I would read the wonderful posts of my followers and enjoy everything that they have to offer. You people would go on to unknowingly inspire me, stir up hope in my heart and show me a whole different rainbow coloured spectrum of lights to see life through. And for that, I can’t thank you enough. You are all interesting, intelligent, determined and very creative and informative people. It has been an honour, so far, to be able to both read what you have written and to have you read what I have posted.
Don’t forget to take care of yourselves and remember: When in doubt, keep pushing forward.
“We await your return, warrior.”
– Dandy ❤